Homestuck  Because of the AutoResponder
by Yami's Got Game
Summary: Summary: Jake English finds himself entangled in a wretling match with Bro-Bot, which leads to a lot more than expected, with a little help from Auto-responder of course.  Technically P.W.P


- **Homestuck - Because of the Auto-Responder **-

**Main Pairings**: Jake English and Bro-bot/Dirk

**Summary**: Jake English finds himself entangled in a wretling match with Bro-Bot, which leads to a lot more than expected, with a little help from Auto-responder of course. (Technically P.W.P)

**cancerianStargazer [CS] began trolling readers [RD]:**  
><strong>CS<strong>: Welcome my love!e$, mama'$ gotta a fuck!ng f!ct!on for you. $o *t ($tart) read!ng, cau$e !'ma $end you to a w!$hful bl!$$.  
><strong>CS<strong>: Al$o th!s !s a f!c ded!cated to my lovely fr!end** !vory** (! 3 !) 3

**Warnings**: Lots of Lemony goodness.

- **Read and Review please** -

- **Because of the Auto-Responder - Pt.1 **-

** Be The Jake -**

It was going to be a top notch day for adventuring, or so you thought. You decide to limber up by doing various amounts of stretching and yoga. Once you felt your body was stretched enough you equip yourself with your double pistols and flash your poster of tomb-raider a saucy wink before heading downstairs to a jungle that awaited you.

As soon as you got out side you were bombarded by the cute little bull-fairies that you loved. You stroked the creatures fur in enjoyment. You chuckle slightly as a couple of the little fairy-bulls nuzzled the crook of your neck.

"C'mon now you little ragamuffin's, I can't play right now," you say whilst gently pushing them off. "I'm off to go on an adventure, and I don't want you little cuties to get tangled up when things start to heat up."

You give the little beast's a toothy grin before trudging off, deeper into the woods you called a home.

You hear a twig snap behind you. Cautiously you whip out your double pistols. You stand still for a moment, holding the pistols by the sides of his face awaiting for what ever was behind him to make it's move. A sly smirk appears on your face as you hear another twig snap behind you.

Slowly, your head turns to the noise. You know who that is, oh how you know.  
>'Its that cheeky machinery again,' you think.<p>

You turn your whole body around to see that devilish, glorified, tin-can standing in all it's glory. Hard, sliver shell of skin with a darker shade of metal for it's hair and trousers. Finally the robot had a picture of a blue cap painted on it's chest and bright red shades for eyes. You find it a little over the top but what can you do? You find it almost mystifying how a robot could clean up like one of those anime foke Dirk goes on about.

"Hello there, Mr Strider." You almost purr the robot, the robot responds by wielding the long piece of stainless steal he called a katana and stood in his usual battle stance.

_"Konichiwa, Jake-chan." _The robot says in it's metallic voice.

Your smile grows as you shift into your own battle stance. You throw the robot your trade mark 'double pistols and a wink' before saying, "Let's wrestle, you hump of metal."

The robot sticks it's thumb up before dramatically turning it downward. You love to get down and dirty with Dirk's Bro-bot, okay you realize that sounds quite suggestiveness but your shake it off. The thrill of fighting with someone without having to hold back just tickled your fancy so-to-speak.

You charge at the machinery whilst firing bullets from your guns like a mad man. You know better than to do that but for fucks sake that thing was hard to beat. In your mind the creature was like thrush, it always comes back stronger than before. Anyway...

You watch as the robot skillfully glides and twists in an agile manner. You quickly run to the side, duck and roll behind the robot. You get ready to shot him in the back of the head, but almost immediately Bro-Bot twists it's head right around. You should have known it would do that.

You still decide to shoot at it anyway. But not to your surprise Bro-Bot zaps the bullets with it's laser vision shades. You stare at that robot and start to sulk.

"Now that's just not blooming fair!" You pout but the Bro-Bot just shrugged as if to say "Life's not fair bitch."

You just growl at the robot and charge at him, that tin-can is going to get a savage butt-whopping, courtesy of Jake English. Once your close enough to the contraption you throw a punch and that hit him square in the jaw, which had little effect because by the time your fist made contact with the robot's face, you realize that prat's made out of metal.

You with draw your hand slowly and let out a cry of pure pain. You are now hunched over and biting your lip.

"Alright, frig you!" You state, despite your throbbing hand you still want to wrestle with this cheating, futuristic tool.

You purposely throw your pistols to the ground and hold up your fists. You soon almost start to regret doing this because the Bro-Bot charges at you. He throws a punch your way, which you skillfully dodge, only to walk into another attack. Sure enough the robot took it's knee and rammed it into your face.

You drop to the ground and clutch your nose in pain which had started to bleed. The robot grabs you by the neck and pulls you up so that your eyes meet.

"I... can't... breathe." you manage to say in a weak voice. Almost instantly the robot releases you, as you plopped on the floor the Bro-Bot kneels down and sits on your torso. Evidently this makes it just as hard for you to regain your breath.

"Hey! What are you doing?" You question the Bro-Bot, but the machine didn't seem to care about your out burst.

You try to shift your weight so that the robot would move. You thrust your hips upward and twist your body which made the robot roll off you. You pin this robots hands down beside it's head and wriggle your hips between it's legs which effectively made it's legs go up. The robot thrust's it's body up in an attempt to push you off but you stick like glue.

Despite the rather odd position, you still feel quite chuffed with yourself at the fact you got your mechanical mate pinned.

** Be the Shade -**

You are now the Auto-responder. Despite your being merely a pair of shades you are still programmed with the emotions of your creator Dirk Strider.

And right now you were up to your frames in irritation at the fact that your so called creator couldn't summon up the courage to tell the dude he was gay for he was into him. Despite you being a pair of shades you could still access the many of electrodes that could create and process emotions.

Your so called creator is now taking one of his three hour long showers, like the over clean retard he was, which left you completely alone. Well you do have Squarewave and Sawtooth but you don't want to throw down some sick fires. Instead you randomly decide to check up on Dirk's potential butt-buddy.

You are able to see the activities going on through the Bro-Bot's eyes and you see a great opportunity to exploit. As Jake pinned Robo-Bro down you swiftly go to work and access the part of Dirk's frontal lobe that had the information of his erotic desires and install them into Bro-Bot's system before activating them.

'This is gonna be fun' you say to yourself. If you could, you would stroke your mustache menacingly and chuckle whilst swishing red wine in a fancy glass, but instead you just sit there and record the pursuit as it unfolds.

** Be the Jake -**

Dirk's Bro-Bot stopped moving, it plant's it's feet firmly on the ground and for a moment it lays still.

"_Engaging sensual protocol, activating in 3...2...1." _

You stare at the robot in confusion. 'Did it just say sensual protocol?' before you can do anything the robot ejects arms from it's sides and hold your hips down, so effectively you are now sitting on the the robots crotch and still holding it's original upper limbs in your hands.

Bro-Bot begins to grind up against your groin effectively causing your member to erect. You try to wriggle from the robots grasp but it is no use.

"C-C'mon dude, what do you think you are playing at." You growl at the robot "This is a wrestling match, not one of your weird, falic anime thing-a-ma-bobs." Dirk-Bot tilts it's head to one side and stops grinding against you.

The robot jerks it's head to see your 'wood' which was reasonably hard by now. The robots extra arms release your hips but quickly move to grab your ankles and pulls them forward. You quickly lose your balance and let go of the robots original arms, which was a bad move.

Bro-Bot flings it's body up and holds your arms above your head. Sweet-flying fiddle-sticks you are in quite the pickle now aren't you. The Bro-Bot looks you dead in the eyes, it's extended arms pulls your ankles further making you cross your legs behind it's back.

"Please tell me this is how you American's wrestle back in that Texas place of yours." You only hope this was just a mild malfunction of the robots circuitry and that your best chum will soon fix the error. But then you realize that you left your Skulltop back at your house so you can't contact the devilish rascal until you get there.

_"Sensual protocol will be dis-engaged once fornication has been achieved." _

Your lips start to quiver as you try to comprehend fully the situation at hand. "Did it just say... fornication?" You only hope that fornication in the context doesn't mean what you think it means.

"Y-Your going to do me up the butt, aren't you?" You ask looking the robot in the eyes. Your cheeks start to burn a dark crimson colour.

_"Fornication between two males occurs through oral and anal pursuits" _

Well, this wasn't quite the adventure you were planing on.

**To Be Continued...**


End file.
